There aren't many cars on this road
But the one's that do come
Reverberate through the entire house as if to deliberately amplify them
When there is a motorbike
It is an experience
I'm still feeling a little closed
That conflict in the night really set me off
How hard it is to deal with emotion as it comes
Not to spill it onto anyone else in other ways
But to get it out as it is
To be around people that care about me
So they wish to listen and feel the pain that I feel
Which helps make it go away
For so long I've bottled up
And felt this thick skin crawling out of my inner being
This untouchableness
This numbness
I don't wish to be this numb thing anymore
I want to feel
I want to care about others
I want to be happy
In order to stand we must do what is in front of us
One day at a time
One breath at a time
Not expecting a mountain loud
But having the time and the space to sit with someone and just let them say what they want to say
Actually being interested in what they are saying
I experienced this for the first time coming back
Part of it might have been the energy of return
But I felt I was battling projections of my past put onto me by others
And to let them slide like water off a ducks back
I simply had to breathe and be who I am
Just like now.
Who am I now?
Am I my emotion which I keep bottling up?
Am I any of these thoughts which are running through my head?
I don't want to be any of this.
I want good friends around me
I want to feel loved by all
I want the closeness of community
For so long I wanted the world to die
Not anymore...
Thank you Ireland, Thank you France, Thank you Scotland, Thank you all the people on my travels
I love you and I'm grateful for your contribution to my awakening
It is time to be awake
And I love being alive
I want to continue like this forever.
I still feel the nickling at my soul
But I see a path like I did once before
It is clearer this path for me now
I want to know myself better
I want to be in concert with everyone else
On a railway of love.
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