Scribing 35 - Anxiousness

I feel the neck tumbler come for a time
I feel it hover
Up the spine in the neck
Blocking blood

I focus on touch
I focus on my feelings of who I am
I breathe and focus on that

The immediate environment, the birds, the trees, the traffic, the chai, the very big loud noisy truck, the bicycle
Bring it all here
The camera, they are watching, someone somewhere, or something
Oh well

I returned to this time of the week with just the right amount of money to finish with a chai this morning while I wait for my busking slot
I'm pretty proud of this foresight
This precognitive assimilation

The ticket home
The chai
And back to zero.

Earning again in exactly four hours and five minutes and 26 seconds
Four hours of no money
Will I despair in fear
Will I reside in pain
I've still got a chai
For the moment I'm fine

So, say I last an hour here if I stretch it.
I could really stretch it and piss off the cafe staff...

The library should open soon
The park is always open
The sun is out
The birds of paradise still shoot their wings

Everything is going to be ok
In this period of four hours of moneylessness

Please don't get me wrong,
I've done it before for much longer
And with a little less cognitive planning

I've arrived in a random town in france
With no money
Not knowing I was going to be there, hitching a ride north was my aim generally
And I was faced with a decision

Open up
Or stay closed

Closing meant, finding a hole to crawl into
Opening meant taking advantage of what opportunities I've got and talk to people

I found a place to play music within the hour, I earned thirty euros from that
I found a place to stay with some other street musicians
First it was dinner
But in a flat of exactly 6 x 5 metres squared and five people already there
They didn't want to send me to stay in a park and camp
Which was safe and possible at the time
So I stayed there too, crammed in but quite content

And I stayed for a while
Hosted by their host when they left

All this opportunity because I remained open
Because I made the choice to let down my defences and speak to people

Connection is so very valuable
Isolation has its place
But really, humans need humans

People need people